I hope I am not boring you?
Sounds familiar? I am sure you have heard this one before.. you are talking to an acquaintance who rambles on about some topic he is passionate about.. not that I mind it.. I have patience with people like that because I know I tend to do it myself :)
But that's not the point. At a (very) pregnant pause in the (one-sided) conversation, when you are led to think that the topic might just change, he asks you the dreaded question "I hope I am not boring you?"
Now this question might look very innocuous, but it actually sits in the ranks of "Have I put on weight?" and the likes.
I can't (don't want to) say "Yes, you are, in fact, boring me very much" because first of all, I don't want to offend him. Second reason is that he is not boring me very much, just a little bit :) which I can tolerate for a while and humour him without being condescending.
So I try to be nice and say "Hey no, that's fine" and hope that he will eventually run out of passion and take a break, and suggest a change himself. Because that's what I would do. I would consider the other person's position even if he told me he doesn't have a problem. That's why, what irritates me more than the question itself, is the subsequent assumption that just because I didn't respond negatively to his question, I have effectively given him full liberty to take another hour of my time! One of the guys actually said to me that if I didn't want him to continue, why did I say "It's ok" in the first place. Why didn't I tell him to stop when he asked me?
Well, hullo! Was that even a real question?? I have not met very many people who actually mean it. If I were to reply to it equally honestly, without any intention to criticize, it would be taken as an extremely rude thing to say... not to mention that I would have put him off any further interaction we might have in the future. He might either become overly defensive and self-conscious, or go to the other extreme of bitter hatred.
But what I would really appreciate is someone being empathetic without being told explicitly!
But that's not the point. At a (very) pregnant pause in the (one-sided) conversation, when you are led to think that the topic might just change, he asks you the dreaded question "I hope I am not boring you?"
Now this question might look very innocuous, but it actually sits in the ranks of "Have I put on weight?" and the likes.
I can't (don't want to) say "Yes, you are, in fact, boring me very much" because first of all, I don't want to offend him. Second reason is that he is not boring me very much, just a little bit :) which I can tolerate for a while and humour him without being condescending.
So I try to be nice and say "Hey no, that's fine" and hope that he will eventually run out of passion and take a break, and suggest a change himself. Because that's what I would do. I would consider the other person's position even if he told me he doesn't have a problem. That's why, what irritates me more than the question itself, is the subsequent assumption that just because I didn't respond negatively to his question, I have effectively given him full liberty to take another hour of my time! One of the guys actually said to me that if I didn't want him to continue, why did I say "It's ok" in the first place. Why didn't I tell him to stop when he asked me?
Well, hullo! Was that even a real question?? I have not met very many people who actually mean it. If I were to reply to it equally honestly, without any intention to criticize, it would be taken as an extremely rude thing to say... not to mention that I would have put him off any further interaction we might have in the future. He might either become overly defensive and self-conscious, or go to the other extreme of bitter hatred.
But what I would really appreciate is someone being empathetic without being told explicitly!
posted by Unknown at
2:03 AM
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